Very shortly after getting the shock of my life regarding my husband's "other" life with his "other" family, my daughter and I went to my son's restaurant for dinner. Michael is a sous chef in a Southampton restaurant called Red Bar Brasserie.
Sitting at the table, in non-function mode, I had to use the ladies' room. I could not budge from my seat. Alece kept saying, "Go, Ma." Unable to move, these words finally came out of my mouth, "I don't know how to do this."
"Do what, Ma?"
"Go to the bathroom."
"You don't know how to go to the bathroom?!" my perplexed daughter asked.
"No, not without your father."
I think the severity of my state of mind was clearly brought into focus for both of us.
I took the napkins out of the old and put them into the new. And there I stood, with the old in hand. It all seemed very symbolic.
Again, I couldn't move from my counter-top space. I found myself saying, out loud, "I don't know how to do this" all over again. An eruption of emotion followed. Ready as I was to purchase a NEW napkin holder (symbolic of my now NEW life), I realized I was not ready to throw the OLD out. Not yet.
With water running and mixing with my salty tears, I most carefully cleaned my very old wooden napkin holder as if it were a precious artifact. It IS symbolic. It was purchased as part of my new married life with my forever life's partner. Yesterday, it was a symbol of both commitment and broken covenant.
Standing at the sink, I also found myself saying yesterday, "Diane, a napkin holder?? Really?!"
Really. I know God's Word tells me that I cannot put new wine into old wineskins. I know the time has come for my old, trusted, valued napkin holder to be replaced. And on the counter it is.
In my heart it is not. I don't know that it ever will be. For now, it's laying in the bottom drawer of my dresser where a portion of my heart resides. Closed off and hidden from view.
Agape doesn't throw people away like the trash. Agape doesn't throw napkin holders into the trash. Not when they represent a family's lifetime.
Because of Him and Unto Him,