Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Can You Hear the Heinous Laugh?

I've learned first-hand how true this Scripture really is.  It's a warning to all of us.
Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from The Living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called "today", lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. ~The Apostle Paul as recorded in Hebrews 3:12-13
The "evil heart" (as it is called here) is allowing SIN to cause us to depart from The Living God.  And unrepented SIN will do just that!

My pastorally-ordained husband continually has said to me - since the truth of his deceptions, SIN, plots and schemes came into the Light - that he is still in right-standing with God.

So very, very deceived.

We all know SIN is enticing, seductive, and deceitful.  But, do we really get the fact that SIN is habit forming?  Whether it be alcohol, drugs, lying, stealing, or sex outside of the Covenant of marriage, it becomes habit. Why? Because the god of SIN sees to it that it becomes so. Why? To cause us to depart from The Living God.

Can you hear his heinous laugh as he declares, "One more "Christian" in my death trap"?

And once deceived the heart hardens like stone, which causes you to SIN all the more.  Deceit perpetuates continual deception.

If only a brother or sister had come to my husband and exhorted him (like it says in this Scripture) with Truth...the outcome of our lives, our children's lives, our friend's lives may be so different today.

My husband works closely with, and has fellowship with, Believers.  Not one of them exhorted him to repent, even though his SINS were/are right under their noses.  They are accountable for their non-action of exhorting him. These brothers and sisters even went as far as breaking friendship with me, but continue on with my husband to this day.  I wonder what can be found in the "closets" of their hearts?

We cannot - must not - turn our heads when we see a brother or sister in perpetual sin.  We must exhort - impel! - them to repentance.  That is part of our Kingdom responsibilities and is the outcome of the Love of God being shed abroad in our hearts.  Agape Love will cause us to confront no matter how uncomfortable it is to do so. Because Love is an action.

And the outcome is not our responsibility, but speaking up IS!

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

My מַ֫עַן

I've worn this ring for many years now.  It represents my Covenant with The LORD.  In Hebrew, it says, "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine." (Song of Solomon 6:3)

Not too long ago one my attorneys, who is Jewish, asked to see it.  She read it aloud in Hebrew and then in English. She was almost breathless with excitement and I was blessed beyond measure to hear this Scripture in Hebrew.

When I no longer could stand to look at the wedding rings on my finger - which now only represented strategic deception - I replaced them with my true Husband's ring.

In church on Sunday, I began to worship even before the music started, so by the time it did, I was already at Heaven's Gate.

Off in The Spirit of God, praying and singing in His Spirit, I started declaring what God was declaring about my future. I ended up sitting down and writing it out.  A bit later I sat back down, took the ring off my finger and rolled the writing up into it. Throughout the rest of worship, I held it with my arm extended straight up over my head.

My God has given the rest of my life purpose.  In His time, He declared it unto me.  I have been asking and asking for some kind of glimpse to a purposeful last years of my life.  

The Hebrew word for "purpose" is: מַ֫עַן  (maan).  My maan has been made clear. And I bless God with everything in me for giving me a tiny glimpse of it.  The rest is yet to be played out.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Monday, July 27, 2015

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

This Is Heavy...Too Heavy for My Heart

Have you ever heard the story of the two men sitting at a bar?  (No. It's not a joke.) One turns to the other and says, "You know, you're my best friend. I really love you, Brother!" The other responds, "Oh, yeah?  Well, if you really love me, then tell me where I hurt."
Tell me where I hurt = Know that I am hurting.
Thanks to: sweet-innocent-aura@deviantart
I experienced this kind of brotherly love today. I got a text from a brother in The LORD who lives far away from me and didn't know anything about my day today.  He reached out with God-anointed words of empathy. As he lifted me up with Scriptures and words of life, his compassion was tangible to me, like a hug in the supernatural realm.

It touched me deeply, yet caused me discomfort.

Why, LORD?

Hence this post.  Once again, I'm writing to myself...working through the whys of it.

To live your life with a man who never had an empathetic bone in his body is to be shut off from a most important aspect of love and human respect. (The Holy Spirit is showing me this right now.)

Oh, Wow...

To realize that a man can - and that there are some who do empathize - is causing my head to glitch.  I don't know how to react...

It scares me a little bit...The most important men in my life - father and husband - never exhibited empathy.  So, I've not experienced that kind of human heart-to-heart in over 60 years with those closest to me. I have from my children, friends, bloggers...but not in my most personal interpersonal relationships.

So I'm saddened, too...

Wow...How have I survived this long without it if one text has had such a profound impact?   ???

They say your marry a man like your own father...


I'm so grateful for my friend's words today and I know they were from You LORD.  Do You have healing in mind?...

It's invoking some deep stuff here, LORD....

I am one of the most empathetic people I know.  I was always like that. Where did I learn it from then? 


....DEEP stuff...Oh, Father, show me, heal me, thank You for causing me to be touched by such basic human touch...May I not be so scared that I run from it...heal me...

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Monday, July 20, 2015

Life Lessons from Neffy

I have a canary.  His name is Neffy.  

I was up before the crack of daylight this morning.  And I was excited to be able to see what a canary does the first thing upon waking.  

Sitting quietly in the still darkness of pre-dawn, I listened for his stirring. 


As the sky begins to throw back it's nighttime cover and glimmers of light begin to appear, Neffy went from silent and sleeping to awake and eating.  He flew down to his food cup and ate. 

Just a bit.  

Then back to a perch.  He preened his feathers.

Just a bit.  

And then, the silence is sliced open by Neffy's rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus.

Could his song be a song of praise and gratitude for seed being in his cup?  Could it be a song of worship to his Creator for supplying all of his needs?  Could it be that this little bird is so thankful for another day of life, that he cannot contain his song any longer - that he must let his praises find flight?

His song is effortless; spontaneous.  He is not concerned with how loud he is or whether or not his song is "pretty".  He wholeheartedly, with reckless abandon, sings his song of adoration.
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth...                                   ~ Psalm 149:6
Jesus' disciples were praising God wholeheartedly and the Pharisee's tried as they might to get them to shut up.  They told Jesus to rebuke His disciples. But, Jesus answered them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out." (Luke 19:40) 

God receives thanksgiving and worship from all of His creation. How much more-so should we who receive his life-altering eternal gift of salvation?

How can we be silent? Or with pious religiosity rotely sing because that is what is expected of us on a Sunday morning?

How can we not joyously sing our songs of worship if we have a grateful heart - anytime, anywhere?  

Food for thought.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Thursday, July 16, 2015

In God. We Trust.

Sitting.  Waiting.

It seems that is all you do when you go to court.

You sit and wait some more.  Nothing like on TV.

The security was very tight in the courtroom yesterday, as it has been every month, since my husband's death threats against the first judge. I find it so comforting, that I wanted to go over to the court officers and hug them,"Thank you".

Yet, at the same time yesterday, a spirit of fear was forging around me. I had hired a new attorney and he was late.  Very late.  I didn't know if he was going to show or not; didn't know if I made a mistake in hiring him or not.  Concern whirled around my head and stomach.

I walked out of the courtroom and called a Godly friend to pray for me. She did right then and there.

When I walked back into the courtroom, the spirit of fear greeted me at the entrance way, as if he were the doorman. I sat in my pew deep breathing to hold back the nausea. Looking forward, behind the the judge's throne, are the words IN GOD WE TRUST, which this new judge has half covered over with the flags.

I started repeating to myself:  I'm IN GOD.  I'm IN GOD.  I'm IN GOD, therefore I TRUST.  I'm in God, therefore, I trust.  I'm in God and I trust! Over and over I declared my stance.  A blanket of peace slowly descended upon me until I was cocooned in by the very word of my testimony.  Safe. Secure. In faith. In God. In trust.

It's only when we are in God, that we can fully trust Him.

My lawyer showed up very shortly thereafter.  When it was all said and done, I walked out the door into the corridor with my head held high and a smile on my face.  I was in God.  I was in trust.  I walked right past my husband and didn't even glance his way.

I'm in, he's out. And God is faithful to those in Him.

Because of Him and Unto Him (and In Him),

Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday's Color

As the sky lightens awakening a new day, I reflect.

Husband, marriage, me, my children...

It started to bring me down.

"Look up."

I glanced out the window and above the tree tops the sky was a soft hue of pink.

...deep breath...

I close my eyes and begin reflecting again.

God and all He has done for me.

It started to bring me up.

I do believe mornings were designed for us to see, hear, and think God.  His majesty and quiet gentleness are profound.

No "Monday morning blues" here.

Thank You, my God, for this delightful morning time with You!  What a way to start my week: enwrapped in You.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Sorry, Michael W.

What makes our relationship with God different than that of what we learn about God through a religion?


So many, many Christians know about Him. They pray. They may worship, and may even give tithes, offerings, or alms.


Rarely do I see intimacy.  It's like some have barbed wire around their hearts saying, "Keep away!" 

I don't see vulnerability and openness with Him.

And I don't see obedience to His Word.

He replied, Blessed rather are those who hear The Word of God and obey It.” ~ Words of Jesus The Christ, as recorded in Luke 11:28
The blessings come in the intimate moments. God, being intimate with us, is His Blessing.  

We tend to think of the word "intimacy" in terms of sex.  No. A man who is willing to be vulnerable and share his innermost being with a woman is true intimacy. Heart intimacy. Not a physical act.

It's one thing for us to be vulnerable and share our most intimate thoughts, desires, emotions with God.  It's quite another thing for us to allow God to be intimate with us.
Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. ~ Words of the Apostle James, as recorded in James 4:8

In Michael W. Smith's song, Draw Me Close, he opens the song with "Draw me close to You; never let me go." 

It's sung as a prayer. A request. No...sorry, Michael W.  

We can't ask God to draw us close because His Word says we must make that first step of intimacy toward Him. Then, He will draw close to us.  

He is a Gentlemen; He never forces Himself upon us. He desires us to want to draw close Him and His intimacy. The word "draw" means to "move steadily". Move...we have to move toward God. If we keep Him at arms length, then that's as close as He will ever be with us. Because of His Gentlemen-ness.  

Continuing with the lyric "never let me go" - God promises us He will not leave us nor forsake us, so why do we ask Him to not let us go in this song?  That shows we don't trust Him.

When I sing this song, I sing, "I draw close to You; You never let me go..."  I sing those lines as statements of fact. Truth.

May you have a intimate moments with The LORD today!

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Monday, July 6, 2015

Behind Frosted Glass

do you see me 
can you make out more than just my form
am I white or black
short or tall
is my shirt gray or spattered with color
am I a nice person
do you see my inner beauty
do you see me

I wonder sometimes: does anyone really see me?  
(One of the meanings of the word “see” is: making an effort to find out, learn, or determine with certainty)  
I want to be seen. I would love to know that someone cared enough to make an effort to learn who I am.  Who I really am.  

I am healed enough to now be able to acknowledge that for 40 years, I’ve wanted to be “seen”.  Really seen.  In my marriage, I was invisible; nothing of our life together was about me.  For 44 years of knowing my husband, I've had absolutely no influence on him.  He has always done only what he wants to do - input from his Word-centered wife ignored; right or wrong decisions: consequences be damned.  And some were major consequences to his wife and children.  I choose to Agape him anyway.  As did The Holy Spirit Who, too, was sometimes ignored.

I now realize that if my husband allowed himself to “see” me, then he would have had to allow me to ”see” him…and he certainly didn’t want to be truly seen.  So, he kept himself at arms length and behind frosted glass so to speak, so that his true character was never crystal clear. 

I lived with this man for 40 years, and I thank God I’m healed enough to be able to admit I didn’t ever really know him. Certainly not because I didn’t desire to “see”.  I sure did. I so craved to see and be seen. I strove after it; worked hard at trying to get through his facade to what lie beneath.  I made the effort right up to the very end.  However, I was never allowed close enough.  Therefore, my "vision" of my husband was kind of like this photo. 



Black and white. 


He allowed me to see the form of him, but bringing himself into clear focus before me never, ever happened.  He wouldn't allow it.

So, I already know what my OneWord365 is going to be for 2016: SEEN.  I want to live my life so that I truly see others and so that others may truly see me.

One of the blessings of having such a "frosted" and emotionally unavailable mate, is that I have a very deep intimacy with The LORD. I'm so grateful that He knows me - the good, the bad, and the beautiful parts of me.  He knows the "hidden person of the heart" (1 Peter 3:4). My heart has been hidden from the most intimate of human relationships for so long, that it longs to break free.

I feel like an infant bird cracking through it's incubator-shell, exposing itself for the first time to the world.  'Tis a bit scary I must say!  But, I know my Abba will continue to feed me until I'm His perfected beauty. And at the same time, He is teaching His baby how to fly.  Hallelujah! 

Because of Him and Unto Him,