Have you ever been in your own personal "Garden of Gethsemane"?
I have. And it is agony.
I have cried out, "Father, take this cup from me!"
And surrendered, "Not my will, but Your Will be done."
OK. Sounds good. Sounds like my Christ Jesus.
However, I find myself with the same cry each day for a week now. "Father, please take this cup from me!" The surrender to my Father's Will is obviously not complete in me yet.
I wish I could spend hours in that "garden" prayer spot. Hours is what is needed to work this out of me until I can finally - once and for all - say it with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength - like Jesus did - "Not my will, but Your Will be done".
The word "cup" in the original means "destiny". Jesus Christ was facing intense physical torture, the unspeakable agony of the Cross, and separation from His Father for the first time in Eternity. All because my sins were upon Him. That was His "cup".
As a human being Jesus did not want to go through such unspeakable horror. He had to battle it out in His Soul in order to get to the place of "Not My Will but Your Will be done". He continued on His Path out of obedience to His Father.
....My destiny is not on the same level at all. Nowhere near.
But, I know my Father understands my agony just as well as He did Jesus'. I did not choose this path. I do not want to be on this path.
But, here I am. Even though it's a path not of my choosing, the Garden prayer spot is my choosing. I want to totally surrender my will to that of my Father's. Just like Jesus did.
Oh, Father, please give me the grace to accept this, if this is truly Your Will. If it is not Your Will, then take this cup from me...That's all I can muster at this point. Maybe tomorrow, I'll be able to totally surrender. Thank You for loving me just as I am.
Because of Him and Unto Him,