Monday, December 14, 2015

Flip Flop the Blessing Thinking

A dear friend said to me today, "I pray you have a blessed day and that you will be a blessing."  It stopped me short.

How many times have you and I said to someone, "Have a blessed day"?  Quite often I am sure.

How many times have we encouraged someone to go out an BE a blessing to someone else?  I'm sure not quite as often.

If we reside in God's Kingdom, then we already know we are blessed of God. We don't need to ask for God to bless us.  We do need to remind each other, though, to put others into the forefront of our thinking; and to ask our Father what can we do to be a blessing to someone else.
Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country. ~ President John F. Kennedy
Ask not what God can do for you; ask what you can do for God. ~ Me 
Let's make this a season of true gift giving.  Let's pray and ask our Father what we can do for Him this Christmas season to be a blessing to someone else.  


You just never know how we might affect someone else's' life.

Merry Christmas!







Monday, December 7, 2015

The Dancing Shadows of Dignity

My Christmas “tree” is bare this year.  No ornaments, no tree skirt, no pre-wrapped presents.  Bare.  Except for the wooden Cross tree-topper hand-made by my son, Michael, when he was a young teen.

As bare as it is in this moment, it will stay.  This will be my first Christmas alone.  And I’m looking forward to it.  I’m looking forward to forging new traditions for myself.  Starting with no ornaments.  So I can just enjoy the beauty of the lights and the form of my tree.

After re-arranging my plants that adorn my living-room windows, the white-lit, white-wire, Charlie Brown-tree stands in the middle and beckons to all who pass by.  I don’t think you could help but notice it, for it shines so very bright.

In the past two years, I’ve been stripped bare kind of like this tree.
  
In the past two years, there has been no adorning “ornamental-ness” about me or my life. 

I certainly haven’t felt much like a gift anyone would want to unwrap.  

Yet, all is well.

For our Father reminds me that I am His Light in this world (Matt. 5:14-16). I’ve been told, throughout these monumental-life changes that came about, that my Light has never gone out but has continued to shine. 

I question that.

But, I guess in the midst of total darkness, even the smallest flicker can be seen.  And grateful I am that my Light did not completely die out.  Flickered, most definitely, but is now burning brightly once again. And hopefully, creating dancing shadows for others to enjoy.  Oh, Hallelujah!

I heard someone say recently, “Don’t let any man steal your dignity.”  I had to meditate on that for a while.  When in the face of absolute betrayal, deception, and a long-term con against me that was pulled off so prolifically, my dignity took a walk.  But, through the prayers of so many who care for me and my God-ordained counselor, I grabbed dignity by the hand and pulled it back to me.  I now walk with my head held high.  Dignity intact. Light still ablaze.  All is well. 

Yes, I’ve been stripped bare. Down to nothingness, just like my Christmas tree.  Down to just me and my Saviour.  

Me and my restoring Saviour.  
Me and my healing Saviour.  
Me and my rescuing Saviour.  
Me and my providing Saviour.  
Me and my comforting Saviour. 
Me and my advocate Saviour. 
Me and my husband Saviour. 

And Jesus Christ was stripped bare in a most undignified manner for all the world to see for eons to come. Yes, He gave up His dignity so that I might retain mine in this time and place.  

Thank You, my Lord God.  Thank You! Yes, dignity is one of the many tiny lit-up facets on the branches of my tree-like life. If I can remain with my dignity intact while dignifying Love toward others, then my Light will continue to shine, shine, shine creating dancing shadows for others to enjoy.  It’s my dignity that is shining so bright!  Like a lighthouse in the darkness.  Just like my little Christmas tree.  Oh, Hallelujah!  Thank You, my Jesus!

Monday, November 30, 2015

A Lesson In Life from Kodak

Oh, the patience of Kodak.  

My collie and I played together this morning with his favorite toy - an empty box.  Kodak loves boxes - of all sizes.  After a few minutes of tug and war with an empty tissue box, I lost interest as the box began ripping apart.  I returned to my business - cleaning up the kitchen.  

About twenty minutes later, I walked into the living room.  Kodak was laying on the floor looking at me.  In his mouth - still - was a remaining piece of the tissue box.  

For Kodak, time had gone into suspended animation.

He patiently remained waiting for me to be done with my busyness so we could continue with our game.  The cardboard was soaked from his saliva.  He never released his grip.  He held on firmly yet gently.  Patiently.  Waiting for me. 

It almost brought me to tears.

A blog post began to take form. So, here I now sit.

Our Father never releases His grip.
He holds us ever so gently, yet firmly in His Hand.
Patiently, He remains awaiting us.

As you and I go about our daily lives, doing and doing and doing, there He remains. 
Patiently. 
Waiting for me.  
Waiting for you.  
To come and "play" with Him.
He never releases His gentle, but firm grip.  


Suspending time, our Father just waits and waits and waits. 
Remaining forever faithful. 
As if to say,"Are you done yet?  Can we "play" now?"








Oh, Hallelujah! 

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Friday, November 27, 2015

Will You Play Your Drum for Him?

                        Little Drummer Boy

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum 
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum 
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum 
To lay before The King, pa rum pum pum pum, 
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum, 
When we come. 

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum 
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum 
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum 
That's fit to give The King, pa rum pum pum pum, 
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

Shall I play for You, pa rum pum pum pum, 
On my drum? 

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum 
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum 
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum 
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum, 
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum 
Me and my drum.  
                 ~ lyrics to Little Drummer Boy 

What is your “drum”? 
What do you “play” for the honor of The LORD? 
What are your talents?  Your giftings?

Do you play drums?
Is your talent musical, lyrical?
Is it poetry or writing?
Is it cooking, sewing, or woodworking?
Is it mechanical or playing a sport?
Is it teaching?
Preaching?
Hospitality?
Is it giving?  
Is it praying?
Is it hugging or speaking words of encouragement?
Is it listening with ears to hear?

Whatever your ”drum” is, play it unto the Glory and Honor of The King as a gift back unto Him.
Play for Him.  
Play the best you can for Him. 
And He will smile upon you.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Thursday, October 8, 2015

The Pre-Dawn of Dawn

The Pre-Dawn of Dawn


The atmosphere is enlightened by the moon and stars You’ve hung
A dim glow outlines the mountainous-looking trees 
Just before the dawn sky awakens
Ever so briefly it goes into a deep, dark sleep

Deep darkness follows the dimly glowing sky
Why, my LORD, does this happen?

It’s like You put nature asleep to gain strength
For the burst of energy it takes to awaken nature

It’s like the darkness is the moments before the alarm goes off
Awakening us from our slumber

I watch with anticipation:
Here it comes!

Slowly, the atmosphere is beginning to glow once again
Ever so subtilely

Tree formations can now be recognized
As the lighter sky now peeks through the branches

A tiny bit lighter
All is so very still and quiet

Ever so minutely lighter
The trees seem to reach out and lift the shade up

And the birds awaken
Going through their morning rituals

What a glorious day this will be 
And You made just for me

I am glad
I rejoice
I am thankful

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Color of Change

The Color of Change 

fall is descending upon us
gently falling like a leaf from a tree
ever so carefully enshrouding us
in its cool, crisp invigoration
with its woodsy fragrance that reminds me all is well
Thank You, LORD, that
all is well in the change of season as in this change of life

Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Shadowed Heart

May my heart be the Shadow of Your Love
  stretching into the abyss of darkness
Reflecting Your Image and Likeness
Casting it’s darkened outline on the unsuspecting
  healing the wounds inflicted by our humanness













May my heart be the Shadow of Your Love
  stretching into the abyss of darkness
Reflecting Your Image and Likeness
The brightness of Your Love illuminating ambiguity 
  radiating the brilliance of Your Joy upon our own commiseration 

May my heart be the Shadow of Your Love
  stretching into the abyss of darkness
Reflecting Your Image and Likeness
The iridescence of Your Glory fall first upon me
  healing the wounds inflicted by humanness

Then and only then, will my heart truly be the Shadow of Your Love
  for the darkness in me will be enlightened
And I will be able to reflect Your Image and Likeness 
Casting it’s darkened outline on the unsuspecting
  healing the wounds inflicted by our humanness








Because of Him and Unto Him,

Sunday, August 16, 2015

What a Difference a . Makes

Punctuation is important.  Wouldn't you say so?  You can write: 
"Let's eat, Grandpa." 
or
"Let's eat Grandpa."
                                 
Two entirely different meanings!  The little , could save Grandpa's life!  Ok, only kidding of course, but you get the point.

I was reading Psalm 5:12 this morning in the New King James Version. Here is how it is written: 
For You, O, LORD, will bless the righteous; with Favor You will surround him as with a shield.
In the original Hebrew, there is no semi colon.  It would read, "For You oh LORD will bless the righteous with Favor..." which, makes sense, since we know that we are blessed of our God; we know He surrounds us like a shield.

His Favor is a tremendous blessing in our lives - to those who need Favor.

I'm choosing to read this verse, believe it , and stand it with no semi-colon.  The blessing of my Abba's Favor to me, His righteous Daughter, is a shield around my life.  Absolutely.  But, Divine Favor is a blessing from my Abba.  And I do thank Him for it.

Thank You, my LORD, that you bless me with Favor and that You surround me as a Shield because I believe.  Because I trust.  Because I stand.

Because of Him and Unto Him.  Period.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

With My Head Pulled Out

There was a "broken Hallelujah" in my heart this morning.


Because I have prayed the above prayer.

One of my favorite songs is Hallelujah written by Leonard Cohen. So many musicians have performed this song over the years, with so many variations to it, that I have a lot of them downloaded. I love them all. I've posted about this song three times now.

The Holy Spirit has always used songs - when sung from my heart - as intercession.  This one is no different.  I first heard of the song at the closing of the 2010 Olympics.  It was performed by KD Lang. Her rendition moved me to sobs while watching her performance on the TV. I had to know about her and that song.

I think, only those who have experienced a loved one slip away into the abyss of sin by turning their back on our LORD or have done so themselves, can relate to the song. I truly hope that is not you.

Having experienced the heart-break and life-altering changes of a backslidden (which is what this song is about) husband twice in my life now, with such unGodly repercussions both times, this song took on new meaning to me this morning.

I clicked on the playlist, turned up the Bose and began washing dishes. The first rendition to come on was by Celtic Thunder.  I began to sing it from the depths of my soul with the person in mind I pray for; however, God was about to answer my prayer. The one above.

Suddenly, without warning, His Light turned on with laser-point accuracy, yet shed broadly into the nooks and crannies of my heart.

I had a major revelation that threw me to my kitchen floor where I stayed, crying out for God to forgive me.  I could have washed my floor with the amount of tears that flowed.  True repentance can be messy.

I always sang Hallelujah for someone in particular, not my husband. This song was a spiritual gift by My Father ever since hearing it at the Olympics.  But, I never realized the gift was meant for me.

My Father was trying to prepare me for what was to come.  He was showing me that one more time, my Samson had his hair cut, by a Delilah. 

 AGAIN.

God was not only was preparing me, He was trying to get me to acknowledge what I suspected deep within the depths of my being. Even though my husband continued his "I'm still walking with Jesus" charade, the Truth is I did suspect his backslidden state.  Again. However, I didn't want to accept the fact that he could possibly spit in our LORD's Face a second time.  Twice in his lifetime??  How could I be married to such a person?  What part of him wasn't a lie???


Apparently, I was willing to be ostrich-like, keeping my head buried in the sand. I didn't want to deal with this one more time in my life.  I could not accept the fact that this man I served and served with really could turn his back on our LORD for a second time - turn from The God, Who has been so Gracious and done so many miraculous things for him, his businesses, his family.

Oh, how I repented as I pulled my head out of the sand.

And The Light revealed my reason for being ostrich-like.  Fear and mistrust.  Fear of spending the rest of my life alone; and more importantly, not trusting The LORD to support me the rest of my life. (As you know, I've been a stay-at-home wife/servant of The LORD, my whole life adult life). And mis-trust is much worse than fear!

So, this morning, I'm hurting.  When God's Light shines on our own darknesses, it hurts.  It busts wide-open our own misconceptions of self. But, I am most grateful.  My head is fully out of the sand now.  My Father/Husband was Gentle with me.  Kind.  Compassionate.  Gracious. Oh, so Loving.

In the last weeks God has shown me much about the Truth of who my husband really is - whom he has been for the whole 44 years of knowing him.  He has answered so many of my many nagging questions over the years in one fell swoop of knowledge.  Of which I'm still processing and I am eternally grateful for. God always answers our questions! Always!
~~~
Thank You, my LORD, for preparing me.  Every time I  sang that song as intercession for You know who, it was actually for my husband, wasn't it? Even though I had one person in mind, You obviously, had another.  But, this time You answered according to Your Wise Judgement. 

Thank You for giving me this day of healing rain. I've rested in You - snuggled in good and tight - and You have kept me in a sterile place, allowing me to nurse my wounds inflicted from your laser surgery.  And most of all, thank You for forgiving me. Thank You, thank You, thank You! I love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, my Husband.

Because of Him and Unto Him, 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Walk a Mile in His Moccasins/Judge Softly


Painting by R.C. Gorman

Pray. 
Don't find fault with the man that limps, 
Or stumbles along the road
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears, 
Or stumbled beneath the same load.

There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too.

Don't sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow 
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.

You may be strong, but still the blows
That were his, unknown to you in the same way,
May cause you to stagger and fall, too.

Don't be too harsh with the man that sins
Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain
Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own, 
And it's only Wisdom and Love that your heart contains.

For you know, if the Tempter's voice
Should whisper as soft to you
As it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.

Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

I believe you'd be surprised to see
That you've been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.

Brother, there but for the Grace of God go you and I.
Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions
And see the world through his spirit and eyes
Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.

Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins
And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave
In other people's lives, our kindnesses and generosity.

Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.

 ~~~


There is nothing else that needs to be said except this:  As Disciples of Christ, to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins is to be more Christ-like because this is what Jesus Christ has done for us.

I bow my head.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Call Me Benjamin

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a movie starring Brad Pitt as a man who ages backwards - the older he gets, the younger he becomes physically.

I feel like Benjamin Button. Chronologically, this flesh is aging. And rather quickly these days.

However, it feels like my heart, my spirit man - who I REALLY am - continues to become younger.  

Is that really possible?

…hhmmmm….

Please bear with me, as I write my thoughts…

The older my body gets, the freer I’m becoming.  I guess the Wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will do that.  And of course, my walk with God.  More so that than anything.  

As I am obedient to Him and His Word, the freer I become.  The more I commune with Him, the  more and more youthful in my heart I become.

Why is that?  How is that?…
Here is the answer!  Oh, thank You, my LORD!
Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name!  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His Benefits:  Who forgives all your iniquities,  Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.  ~ King David, as recorded in Psalm 103:1-5
I’ve always read verse 5 as: God satisfies my mouth with good things, therefore, my youth is renewed like the eagle. And that never really made sense to me.  After reading Psalm 103 this morning, I realize it is when we bless God, when we are grateful to Him, when we remember all He has done for us - forgiving us, healing us, redeeming us from destruction, bestowing His graciousness to us, and satisfies us with His good things - when we do verses 1-5, THEN our youth is renewed… WOW!!!!

The key to youthfulness is having a God-consciousness daily. Day by day.  Hour by hour.  Minute by minute.  THEN, our youth is renewed.  

Hallelujah!

The older I get, the freer I get, the younger I get, the more secure I get.  Phew….

Thank You, LORD, for restoring my youth - no, I thank You for actually giving me a youth, now, in my older age because my youth was robbed from me…my senior-hood has now become my youth-hood.  Thank You for the freedom to NOW enjoy my youth and youthfulness - from the stuffed animal on my bed, to laughing, running, and playing with water pistols at a church picnic…wow…You are allowing me to experience youthfulness. You have restored unto me what Satan had stolen from me so very long ago. Thank You so much, my LORD.  Thank You!  

Just call me, Benjamin!  

Because of Him and Unto Him,



Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Can You Hear the Heinous Laugh?

I've learned first-hand how true this Scripture really is.  It's a warning to all of us.
Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from The Living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called "today", lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. ~The Apostle Paul as recorded in Hebrews 3:12-13
The "evil heart" (as it is called here) is allowing SIN to cause us to depart from The Living God.  And unrepented SIN will do just that!

My pastorally-ordained husband continually has said to me - since the truth of his deceptions, SIN, plots and schemes came into the Light - that he is still in right-standing with God.

So very, very deceived.

We all know SIN is enticing, seductive, and deceitful.  But, do we really get the fact that SIN is habit forming?  Whether it be alcohol, drugs, lying, stealing, or sex outside of the Covenant of marriage, it becomes habit. Why? Because the god of SIN sees to it that it becomes so. Why? To cause us to depart from The Living God.

Can you hear his heinous laugh as he declares, "One more "Christian" in my death trap"?

And once deceived the heart hardens like stone, which causes you to SIN all the more.  Deceit perpetuates continual deception.

If only a brother or sister had come to my husband and exhorted him (like it says in this Scripture) with Truth...the outcome of our lives, our children's lives, our friend's lives may be so different today.

My husband works closely with, and has fellowship with, Believers.  Not one of them exhorted him to repent, even though his SINS were/are right under their noses.  They are accountable for their non-action of exhorting him. These brothers and sisters even went as far as breaking friendship with me, but continue on with my husband to this day.  I wonder what can be found in the "closets" of their hearts?

We cannot - must not - turn our heads when we see a brother or sister in perpetual sin.  We must exhort - impel! - them to repentance.  That is part of our Kingdom responsibilities and is the outcome of the Love of God being shed abroad in our hearts.  Agape Love will cause us to confront no matter how uncomfortable it is to do so. Because Love is an action.

And the outcome is not our responsibility, but speaking up IS!

Because of Him and Unto Him,







Tuesday, July 28, 2015

My מַ֫עַן

I've worn this ring for many years now.  It represents my Covenant with The LORD.  In Hebrew, it says, "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine." (Song of Solomon 6:3)

Not too long ago one my attorneys, who is Jewish, asked to see it.  She read it aloud in Hebrew and then in English. She was almost breathless with excitement and I was blessed beyond measure to hear this Scripture in Hebrew.

When I no longer could stand to look at the wedding rings on my finger - which now only represented strategic deception - I replaced them with my true Husband's ring.

In church on Sunday, I began to worship even before the music started, so by the time it did, I was already at Heaven's Gate.

Off in The Spirit of God, praying and singing in His Spirit, I started declaring what God was declaring about my future. I ended up sitting down and writing it out.  A bit later I sat back down, took the ring off my finger and rolled the writing up into it. Throughout the rest of worship, I held it with my arm extended straight up over my head.

My God has given the rest of my life purpose.  In His time, He declared it unto me.  I have been asking and asking for some kind of glimpse to a purposeful last years of my life.  

The Hebrew word for "purpose" is: מַ֫עַן  (maan).  My maan has been made clear. And I bless God with everything in me for giving me a tiny glimpse of it.  The rest is yet to be played out.

Because of Him and Unto Him,


Monday, July 27, 2015

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

This Is Heavy...Too Heavy for My Heart

Have you ever heard the story of the two men sitting at a bar?  (No. It's not a joke.) One turns to the other and says, "You know, you're my best friend. I really love you, Brother!" The other responds, "Oh, yeah?  Well, if you really love me, then tell me where I hurt."
Tell me where I hurt = Know that I am hurting.
Thanks to: sweet-innocent-aura@deviantart
I experienced this kind of brotherly love today. I got a text from a brother in The LORD who lives far away from me and didn't know anything about my day today.  He reached out with God-anointed words of empathy. As he lifted me up with Scriptures and words of life, his compassion was tangible to me, like a hug in the supernatural realm.

It touched me deeply, yet caused me discomfort.

Why, LORD?

Hence this post.  Once again, I'm writing to myself...working through the whys of it.

To live your life with a man who never had an empathetic bone in his body is to be shut off from a most important aspect of love and human respect. (The Holy Spirit is showing me this right now.)

Oh, Wow...

To realize that a man can - and that there are some who do empathize - is causing my head to glitch.  I don't know how to react...

It scares me a little bit...The most important men in my life - father and husband - never exhibited empathy.  So, I've not experienced that kind of human heart-to-heart in over 60 years with those closest to me. I have from my children, friends, bloggers...but not in my most personal interpersonal relationships.

So I'm saddened, too...

Wow...How have I survived this long without it if one text has had such a profound impact?   ???

They say your marry a man like your own father...

Wow...

I'm so grateful for my friend's words today and I know they were from You LORD.  Do You have healing in mind?...

It's invoking some deep stuff here, LORD....

I am one of the most empathetic people I know.  I was always like that. Where did I learn it from then? 

...

....DEEP stuff...Oh, Father, show me, heal me, thank You for causing me to be touched by such basic human touch...May I not be so scared that I run from it...heal me...


Because of Him and Unto Him,


















Monday, July 20, 2015

Life Lessons from Neffy


I have a canary.  His name is Neffy.  

I was up before the crack of daylight this morning.  And I was excited to be able to see what a canary does the first thing upon waking.  

Sitting quietly in the still darkness of pre-dawn, I listened for his stirring. 

Silence.  

As the sky begins to throw back it's nighttime cover and glimmers of light begin to appear, Neffy went from silent and sleeping to awake and eating.  He flew down to his food cup and ate. 

Just a bit.  

Then back to a perch.  He preened his feathers.

Just a bit.  

And then, the silence is sliced open by Neffy's rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus.

Could his song be a song of praise and gratitude for seed being in his cup?  Could it be a song of worship to his Creator for supplying all of his needs?  Could it be that this little bird is so thankful for another day of life, that he cannot contain his song any longer - that he must let his praises find flight?

His song is effortless; spontaneous.  He is not concerned with how loud he is or whether or not his song is "pretty".  He wholeheartedly, with reckless abandon, sings his song of adoration.
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth...                                   ~ Psalm 149:6
Jesus' disciples were praising God wholeheartedly and the Pharisee's tried as they might to get them to shut up.  They told Jesus to rebuke His disciples. But, Jesus answered them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out." (Luke 19:40) 

God receives thanksgiving and worship from all of His creation. How much more-so should we who receive his life-altering eternal gift of salvation?

How can we be silent? Or with pious religiosity rotely sing because that is what is expected of us on a Sunday morning?

How can we not joyously sing our songs of worship if we have a grateful heart - anytime, anywhere?  

Food for thought.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Thursday, July 16, 2015

In God. We Trust.

Sitting.  Waiting.

It seems that is all you do when you go to court.

You sit and wait some more.  Nothing like on TV.

The security was very tight in the courtroom yesterday, as it has been every month, since my husband's death threats against the first judge. I find it so comforting, that I wanted to go over to the court officers and hug them,"Thank you".

Yet, at the same time yesterday, a spirit of fear was forging around me. I had hired a new attorney and he was late.  Very late.  I didn't know if he was going to show or not; didn't know if I made a mistake in hiring him or not.  Concern whirled around my head and stomach.

I walked out of the courtroom and called a Godly friend to pray for me. She did right then and there.

When I walked back into the courtroom, the spirit of fear greeted me at the entrance way, as if he were the doorman. I sat in my pew deep breathing to hold back the nausea. Looking forward, behind the the judge's throne, are the words IN GOD WE TRUST, which this new judge has half covered over with the flags.

I started repeating to myself:  I'm IN GOD.  I'm IN GOD.  I'm IN GOD, therefore I TRUST.  I'm in God, therefore, I trust.  I'm in God and I trust! Over and over I declared my stance.  A blanket of peace slowly descended upon me until I was cocooned in by the very word of my testimony.  Safe. Secure. In faith. In God. In trust.

It's only when we are in God, that we can fully trust Him.

My lawyer showed up very shortly thereafter.  When it was all said and done, I walked out the door into the corridor with my head held high and a smile on my face.  I was in God.  I was in trust.  I walked right past my husband and didn't even glance his way.

I'm in, he's out. And God is faithful to those in Him.

Because of Him and Unto Him (and In Him),




Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday's Color

As the sky lightens awakening a new day, I reflect.

Husband, marriage, me, my children...

It started to bring me down.

"Look up."

I glanced out the window and above the tree tops the sky was a soft hue of pink.

...deep breath...

I close my eyes and begin reflecting again.

God and all He has done for me.

It started to bring me up.

I do believe mornings were designed for us to see, hear, and think God.  His majesty and quiet gentleness are profound.

No "Monday morning blues" here.

Thank You, my God, for this delightful morning time with You!  What a way to start my week: enwrapped in You.

Because of Him and Unto Him,



Thursday, July 9, 2015

Sorry, Michael W.

What makes our relationship with God different than that of what we learn about God through a religion?

Intimacy.  

So many, many Christians know about Him. They pray. They may worship, and may even give tithes, offerings, or alms.

But...


Rarely do I see intimacy.  It's like some have barbed wire around their hearts saying, "Keep away!" 

I don't see vulnerability and openness with Him.

And I don't see obedience to His Word.



He replied, Blessed rather are those who hear The Word of God and obey It.” ~ Words of Jesus The Christ, as recorded in Luke 11:28
The blessings come in the intimate moments. God, being intimate with us, is His Blessing.  

We tend to think of the word "intimacy" in terms of sex.  No. A man who is willing to be vulnerable and share his innermost being with a woman is true intimacy. Heart intimacy. Not a physical act.

It's one thing for us to be vulnerable and share our most intimate thoughts, desires, emotions with God.  It's quite another thing for us to allow God to be intimate with us.
Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. ~ Words of the Apostle James, as recorded in James 4:8

In Michael W. Smith's song, Draw Me Close, he opens the song with "Draw me close to You; never let me go." 

It's sung as a prayer. A request. No...sorry, Michael W.  

We can't ask God to draw us close because His Word says we must make that first step of intimacy toward Him. Then, He will draw close to us.  

He is a Gentlemen; He never forces Himself upon us. He desires us to want to draw close Him and His intimacy. The word "draw" means to "move steadily". Move...we have to move toward God. If we keep Him at arms length, then that's as close as He will ever be with us. Because of His Gentlemen-ness.  

Continuing with the lyric "never let me go" - God promises us He will not leave us nor forsake us, so why do we ask Him to not let us go in this song?  That shows we don't trust Him.

When I sing this song, I sing, "I draw close to You; You never let me go..."  I sing those lines as statements of fact. Truth.

May you have a intimate moments with The LORD today!

Because of Him and Unto Him,


Monday, July 6, 2015

Behind Frosted Glass

do you see me 
can you make out more than just my form
am I white or black
short or tall
is my shirt gray or spattered with color
am I a nice person
do you see my inner beauty
do you see me
?

I wonder sometimes: does anyone really see me?  
(One of the meanings of the word “see” is: making an effort to find out, learn, or determine with certainty)  
I want to be seen. I would love to know that someone cared enough to make an effort to learn who I am.  Who I really am.  

I am healed enough to now be able to acknowledge that for 40 years, I’ve wanted to be “seen”.  Really seen.  In my marriage, I was invisible; nothing of our life together was about me.  For 44 years of knowing my husband, I've had absolutely no influence on him.  He has always done only what he wants to do - input from his Word-centered wife ignored; right or wrong decisions: consequences be damned.  And some were major consequences to his wife and children.  I choose to Agape him anyway.  As did The Holy Spirit Who, too, was sometimes ignored.

I now realize that if my husband allowed himself to “see” me, then he would have had to allow me to ”see” him…and he certainly didn’t want to be truly seen.  So, he kept himself at arms length and behind frosted glass so to speak, so that his true character was never crystal clear. 

I lived with this man for 40 years, and I thank God I’m healed enough to be able to admit I didn’t ever really know him. Certainly not because I didn’t desire to “see”.  I sure did. I so craved to see and be seen. I strove after it; worked hard at trying to get through his facade to what lie beneath.  I made the effort right up to the very end.  However, I was never allowed close enough.  Therefore, my "vision" of my husband was kind of like this photo. 

Unclear. 

Blurry. 

Black and white. 

Faceless.

He allowed me to see the form of him, but bringing himself into clear focus before me never, ever happened.  He wouldn't allow it.

So, I already know what my OneWord365 is going to be for 2016: SEEN.  I want to live my life so that I truly see others and so that others may truly see me.

One of the blessings of having such a "frosted" and emotionally unavailable mate, is that I have a very deep intimacy with The LORD. I'm so grateful that He knows me - the good, the bad, and the beautiful parts of me.  He knows the "hidden person of the heart" (1 Peter 3:4). My heart has been hidden from the most intimate of human relationships for so long, that it longs to break free.

I feel like an infant bird cracking through it's incubator-shell, exposing itself for the first time to the world.  'Tis a bit scary I must say!  But, I know my Abba will continue to feed me until I'm His perfected beauty. And at the same time, He is teaching His baby how to fly.  Hallelujah! 

Because of Him and Unto Him, 

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

More So Than Five Minutes Ago

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;Bind them around your neck,Write them on the tablet of your heart,  and so find favor and high esteemIn the sight of God and man.  
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ~ Prov. 3:3-6

From Heartlight.org

For 32 years I've done my best to live by these four little verses of Scripture. For the past year and a half, I've had to make more monumental, future-altering decisions than I have had to do in my whole life.

Verses four and five is how I've made each and every one of these decisions.

I've been misunderstood and I dare say, judged, by others including Christ-followers. But, that is neither here nor there.  What is important is the internal struggle that goes on in making God-directed decisions. It is by no means a walk in the park.

It is downright difficult.  Your mind second-guesses everything.  The mental battle in believing God is directing my paths is...just that: a battle.

But, I stand firm in my decisions.  They may prove out to be wrong and that it was clearly MY own rational from which I came to my conclusion.

But, even if that is true, God knows my heart.  He knows I only want to do His Perfect Will in each decision. And I believe He will make correction to any of my mistakes if they prove to be just that: a mistake.

And in my decisions of late I've proven to be merciful/kind, truth-filled/faithful. And I will have favor because God honors His Truths. 

So, why am I writing this post?

....

hhmmm....

....I'm "preaching" to myself.  I'm declaring God's Word is alive and active in my life and for each Truth of His Word that I've obeyed, I know It will bear fruit in my life. I'm declaring my trust in God and His Faithfulness. And in so declaring, it causes me stand strong. 

Stronger than five minutes ago, anyway.

Because of Him and Unto Him,