Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Nope. It's NOT Time That Heals.

"Anniversary". One year ago. Two days before Thanksgiving.

Forever etched on the tablet of my heart. 

The first three months...shock. 

The next six months...horror. Coming to grips with truths that my soul just couldn't accept as reality. Fear of future. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness.

These last 3 months...growth. Faith for the future. Joy. Peace. The beginning of the process of restoring my self-esteem. Self-discovery - who I am separate from my husband.

I've started celebrating who I am, who God created me to be. In all my quirkiness. And enjoying the self I'm getting to know.  

Tapping into latent talents and exploring the world of art - through sewing - that has been down inside of me since my children were very young.

Choosing to step out of the lifestyle my husband had chosen for us and exploring a new one.  One that is truly me.

Gone are the wonderful restaurants and eating experiences.  Gone are the beautiful vineyards we came to love; the special, relaxing Sundays we always had; and the wonderful vineyard friendships. 

But, exploring more of my desires - serving.  New places to serve and bless an other's life. Hopefully, new friendships will emerge. Hopefully, in my "doing", it will be just as relaxing.  I think it will be because that is who I was created to be. To be about others. Not myself. (I cannot tell you how many times at our special Mattebella Vineyard, I just wanted to help/serve them.)

I also discovered what was, still is: Love. Agape Love still floods my heart.  Neither the enemy of my soul nor my husband was able to steal that. And for that I hold my head up high.

And so, tomorrow - the day after the one year - I embark - fully - into a new life, continuing the exploration and celebration of self, hopefully creating art through sewing, and finding new ways to serve others.

I almost feel guilty that I've come so far in such a short amount of time, but I know it's because of you.  It's not time that heals all wounds.  It's community. It's community caring.

To everyone of you who have journeyed alongside of me - those who pray, those who have encouraging words for me, who have wise counsel for me, who have cried with me, and even those who expressed your outrage and anger with me - I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

It is your prayers, your words of encouragement, your counsel, your tears, and your truthful sharing of your outraged heart, that has helped me cope, begin the healing process, and has given me the strength and courage to step into this new lifestyle that was thrust upon me.

(And to face court and all the challenges that brings.)

And due to 40 years of marriage, I was molded into a life that centered around my husband and our children. You were an instrument of God to help break that mold and set me free to explore who I am.  

So, today, the one-year anniversary of the death of my 40-year life and a resurrection of a new one, I celebrate YOU! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You truly have been a community who cares. I continue to bless God for you and I hold you close to my heart as I come before my Father's Throne. And may I be there for you, as you have for me, should the need ever arise.

I've come a long way, baby!  WAHOO!  

Because of Him and Unto Him,


Martha Herden said...

the LORD smiles upon you with JOY on this new day, knowing the Valley of Hell you have journeyed through as HE has walked, carried, and now stands beside you.

What a wonderful posting of the new Diane~~~I am so HAPPY---please keep sharing with us, show us your SEWING---I had no clue this joyous talent resides inside your hands!!

You are and will always be "An Encouraging Word" a beam of light for all of us to admire and love..... martha

Diane Ronzino said...

Oh, Martha....

What a gift of exhortation you have! God uses you mightily with YOUR encouraging words.

I love you and thank you!

Andrew Ronzino said...

Wow, Mom! I'm so proud of you. I like that you're doing things that YOU want to do. :-)

I'm glad that healing and joy are returning.

I love you.

Diane Ronzino said...

Thank you, my son. It will for you, too!

Betty Draper said...

The enemy of your soul meant for this trial to destroy you. But this post testify of God's power and strength working in you to over come. You have taken all the words you have written and said and lived them before others and others will be helped by the trial you have over come. Watch out devil there is a courageous wise hearted women walking about who knows the power of God's love beating in her heart. I thank you Diane for your testimony.

Veronica Shticks Anderson said...

I didn't realize until towards the end of this triumphant post, while a tear was falling from my eye, that I was unconsciously playing victorious battle music in my head while I read! Thank you, Diane! Waving a flag for you as I pat my heart.

Anonymous said...

You know Diane, I wasn't married 40 years, but after 23, Imust admit that I never expected to be divorced. My husband decided to walk away from faith, from me and from his children. He kept coming into our house when I was at work and took a ton of stuff that we needed and could not replace. He had, but kept taking. I often considered that it would have been better if he would have died rather than what he put us through for years. Now that he is older, ill and wants their companionship, his children don't want much to do with life. He lived his life in selfishness. The woman he left me for, kicked him out after a year of his shenanigans. It was all I could do to hold together, working 2 jobs - because what took two salaries before, STILL took two salaries to maintain. He reneged on child support, so it was all on me. I didn't come after him for anything because he had weapons and was not at all acting in his right mind. I didn't want to face possible hurt or injury for myself or the kids. My trust in God as my Source meant trusting God for everything! I eventually remarried a wonderful man who made it his aim to invest in me and the kid's lives. They now call him Randad. Our 5 kids range in age from 30-40 and we have 5 grandkids. Several of them beg us to come live with them, or settle somewhere near. Nice to be loved. Randy and I are settling into the relationship God provided and make it a point to minister to others at every turn. Sending my love for your continual encouragement and growth. I DO pray for you when I go down my Facebook list. It's hard to get to everyone personally but I try to make contact now and again! Thanks for all your sharing

Kim said...

Love this! Love you! So happy that you are exploring and becoming. Still praying for you :)

LOLITA said...


I have been silent for a long time too. But even so, I was kept posted by our COF and I ached for you then. I am also goint through almost the same as you have been. Perhaps in time, I will find the courage to make a voice about it.

I am so happy for you. God is always our refuge in all the valleys of our life. And faithfully He carries us out.

Bless you with the new beginning and I salute the courage you took to embark into it. So many possiblities and talents we may have shooved into the drawer to give way to something then..... but this beginning would be richer, in the richness of the One who was and is and will be with you FOREVER.


Saleslady371 said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Diane. This post is beautiful. Comes from a beautiful heart, a beautiful woman.


Crown of Beauty said...

With joy and thanksgiving I read this post, so appropriate for the meaning and significance of this day. Abba Father has called Himself the Father of the fatherless and Defender of widows... You are after all a widow now. And yes, it is great to know that when the enemy thought he could cripple you, kill you off, he was totally mistaken. For just as Joseph was propelled to glory and dignity after serving years in prison for a crime he never committed, so are you being ushered into the upgraded life... You have a courageous spirit much like the spirit of Deborah. Happy Thanksgiving dear Diane. I am proud to be one of your blog friends. Your life is an encouragement to me. Love Lidia

Diane Ronzino said...

The reason it took me so long to respond to your individual comments was because I cried after reading each one and clicked out. "I'll respond later after getting over the emotions." Everytime I came back, I cried again at all your precious words of life, love, strength, encouragement, and the sharing of your own personal journies.

I came back this morning, expecting to respond individually. But, I cannot....I truly have no words...

The Women of God - the Vessels of Honor - who encircle my life out in cyberspace - are a joy unspeakable in my life. To each of you, I tap my heart and send my thanks and love.