"Anniversary". One year ago. Two days before Thanksgiving.
Forever etched on the tablet of my heart.
The first three months...shock.
The next six months...horror. Coming to grips with truths that my soul just couldn't accept as reality. Fear of future. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness.
These last 3 months...growth. Faith for the future. Joy. Peace. The beginning of the process of restoring my self-esteem. Self-discovery - who I am separate from my husband.
I've started celebrating who I am, who God created me to be. In all my quirkiness. And enjoying the self I'm getting to know.
Tapping into latent talents and exploring the world of art - through sewing - that has been down inside of me since my children were very young.
Choosing to step out of the lifestyle my husband had chosen for us and exploring a new one. One that is truly me.
Gone are the wonderful restaurants and eating experiences. Gone are the beautiful vineyards we came to love; the special, relaxing Sundays we always had; and the wonderful vineyard friendships.
But, exploring more of my desires - serving. New places to serve and bless an other's life. Hopefully, new friendships will emerge. Hopefully, in my "doing", it will be just as relaxing. I think it will be because that is who I was created to be. To be about others. Not myself. (I cannot tell you how many times at our special Mattebella Vineyard, I just wanted to help/serve them.)
I also discovered what was, still is: Love. Agape Love still floods my heart. Neither the enemy of my soul nor my husband was able to steal that. And for that I hold my head up high.
And so, tomorrow - the day after the one year - I embark - fully - into a new life, continuing the exploration and celebration of self, hopefully creating art through sewing, and finding new ways to serve others.
I almost feel guilty that I've come so far in such a short amount of time, but I know it's because of you. It's not time that heals all wounds. It's community. It's community caring.
To everyone of you who have journeyed alongside of me - those who pray, those who have encouraging words for me, who have wise counsel for me, who have cried with me, and even those who expressed your outrage and anger with me - I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
It is your prayers, your words of encouragement, your counsel, your tears, and your truthful sharing of your outraged heart, that has helped me cope, begin the healing process, and has given me the strength and courage to step into this new lifestyle that was thrust upon me.
(And to face court and all the challenges that brings.)
And due to 40 years of marriage, I was molded into a life that centered around my husband and our children. You were an instrument of God to help break that mold and set me free to explore who I am.
So, today, the one-year anniversary of the death of my 40-year life and a resurrection of a new one, I celebrate YOU! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You truly have been a community who cares. I continue to bless God for you and I hold you close to my heart as I come before my Father's Throne. And may I be there for you, as you have for me, should the need ever arise.
I've come a long way, baby! WAHOO!
Because of Him and Unto Him,