Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Nope. It's NOT Time That Heals.

"Anniversary". One year ago. Two days before Thanksgiving.

Forever etched on the tablet of my heart. 

The first three months...shock. 

The next six months...horror. Coming to grips with truths that my soul just couldn't accept as reality. Fear of future. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness. Anger/forgiveness.

These last 3 months...growth. Faith for the future. Joy. Peace. The beginning of the process of restoring my self-esteem. Self-discovery - who I am separate from my husband.

I've started celebrating who I am, who God created me to be. In all my quirkiness. And enjoying the self I'm getting to know.  

Tapping into latent talents and exploring the world of art - through sewing - that has been down inside of me since my children were very young.

Choosing to step out of the lifestyle my husband had chosen for us and exploring a new one.  One that is truly me.

Gone are the wonderful restaurants and eating experiences.  Gone are the beautiful vineyards we came to love; the special, relaxing Sundays we always had; and the wonderful vineyard friendships. 

But, exploring more of my desires - serving.  New places to serve and bless an other's life. Hopefully, new friendships will emerge. Hopefully, in my "doing", it will be just as relaxing.  I think it will be because that is who I was created to be. To be about others. Not myself. (I cannot tell you how many times at our special Mattebella Vineyard, I just wanted to help/serve them.)

I also discovered what was, still is: Love. Agape Love still floods my heart.  Neither the enemy of my soul nor my husband was able to steal that. And for that I hold my head up high.

And so, tomorrow - the day after the one year - I embark - fully - into a new life, continuing the exploration and celebration of self, hopefully creating art through sewing, and finding new ways to serve others.

I almost feel guilty that I've come so far in such a short amount of time, but I know it's because of you.  It's not time that heals all wounds.  It's community. It's community caring.

To everyone of you who have journeyed alongside of me - those who pray, those who have encouraging words for me, who have wise counsel for me, who have cried with me, and even those who expressed your outrage and anger with me - I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

It is your prayers, your words of encouragement, your counsel, your tears, and your truthful sharing of your outraged heart, that has helped me cope, begin the healing process, and has given me the strength and courage to step into this new lifestyle that was thrust upon me.

(And to face court and all the challenges that brings.)

And due to 40 years of marriage, I was molded into a life that centered around my husband and our children. You were an instrument of God to help break that mold and set me free to explore who I am.  


So, today, the one-year anniversary of the death of my 40-year life and a resurrection of a new one, I celebrate YOU! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You truly have been a community who cares. I continue to bless God for you and I hold you close to my heart as I come before my Father's Throne. And may I be there for you, as you have for me, should the need ever arise.

I've come a long way, baby!  WAHOO!  

Because of Him and Unto Him,












Friday, November 14, 2014

On Golden Pond


On Golden Pond




Irritable. Bitter. Walled-up Heart.

Father. Daughter. Boat.

Intense. Heart-wrenching. Tears.

Somewhat of Forgiveness. Somewhat of A Reconciliation.

Sad.


My On Golden Pond

Irritable. Bitter. Walled-up Heart.

Total Forgivness. Complete Reconciliation.

Abba, Father. Daughter. Life.

Gentleness. Love. Joy.

Buoyant. 


Because of Him and Unto Him,




Thursday, November 13, 2014

His Abode

I had a revelation from God's Word the other morning.  It came through very familiar passages I was meditating on.   I thought I'd share it with you.  

(But, I must warn you, if you continue to read, then you are responsible for what you just learned.)  Ut oh....

You can click out of this blog right now.  

Ut oh... (LOL)

Or you can forge through to read what The Spirit may be saying to you, as He did to me. 
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit Who is in you, Whom you have from God, and you are not your own?      ~ I Cor. 6:19

My body is His "house".

And He said to them, “It is written, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer...'  ~ Matt. 21:13                     

My House.  MY house. MY HOUSE.

Since my body is the "house" of The Holy Spirit, then His house (ME!) should be called a house of prayer.  I should be yielding to The Holy Spirit to intercede through me. After all...
Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. ~ Romans 8:26
Whenever HE wants.  Whatever hour HE wants.  Wherever HE wants.  Afterall, He is the Master of His own home.  

OR SHOULD BE.

When my adult son visits, I have to remind him to put the toilet seat down, to not throw cigaret butts all around the property, etc.  Why?  Cause I'm the "master" of my home.  

My body - my being - is The Holy Spirit's home.  He should be the Master of His own Home.

Therefore, He should be the Master of me in all areas of my life.  

OUCH. 

Including praying.  

OUCH.  

On my last post, I asked The LORD to reveal to me anything that displeases Him.  Well, He did. And praying wasn't the only thing He showed me about myself.

OUCH. OUCH.

Repent I did.


Oh, God, pour out Your Grace to me to empower me to make these changes in my life.  In Your Home.  Help me to clean up Your House.  Your Temple. And to anyone who may read this post who has been convicted of something.

Thank You for Your Word, that brings correction to those who have ears to hear and a heart that lies prostrate before You.




Because of Him and Unto Him,















Monday, November 10, 2014

The Father's Delight

Bronze statue, entitled Here I Am, by Dean Kermit Allison
                      
Here I am, LORD...

I stand before You, my God…naked - exposed.
Examine me, oh God, in Light of Your Holy Word              
And show me the error of my ways.

What displeases You, my LORD? 
Magnify it to me that I might repent.
For truly, I desire to be Your delight.


Because of Him and Unto Him,


Monday, November 3, 2014

The Togetherness of A Lone Life




                                                             Stones

                                                             Sand

                                                            Sea foam

                                                            Seaweed

Separately: Nothing too special.

But, together: A beautiful beach scene to behold.

It’s only in togetherness that we create a life worthy to behold.  Truly, no man is an island unto himself.  

That is why God created marriage. 

And that is why the devil so opposes Godly marriages.

No longer in the togetherness of marriage, how will I live my life so that I’m not a lone island unto myself?  Where will my “togetherness” come from?

...

I don’t want to be just a stone or piece of seaweed.  I want to be a beautiful beach scene worthy of beholding.

...sigh...

...

"In community. That's where."

...

In the like-mindedness.

In the like-precious faith.

In the servanthood.

Community.  

You all are a part and parcel of my community. The blogging world really is a community.

YES!  My life will continue to be a beautiful scene worthy of beholding because of community.  To each of you, thank you for adding beauty to my life's landscape!

And thank You, my Precious LORD, for answering me. Thank You!

Because of Him and Unto Him,