Monday, June 30, 2014

Choices

"We have free will to choose to either sacrifice or destroy." ~Mika Sobottka 

 ...hhmmm...I've been pondering those words...  


What path we walk on is a choice.


What actions we make is a choice.


What direction our lives go in is a choice.


Lusting for what we cannot have is a choice.

My husband knew full well what the consequences of his choices would be.  You see, he was unfaithful in the early years of our marriage.  I forgave and did spiritual warfare for years for him to repent and return to the LORD. He did. And our marriage went on. But, he was told what the consequences would if he should ever turn his back on The LORD again or be unfaithful to me again.  So, in his choices to lay with other women - to embrace their families and provide a lifestyle for them - he knew exactly what the consequences would be.  

He chose to destroy - to destroy his family, his reputation, his earnings, his friendships.

Divorce is the outcome of his choices.  

Tearing apart our family is his choice.

Putting a huge dent in the finances that he has worked so hard over his lifetime to procure is a result of his choices.

And all his choices have led to destruction.

How different the outcome of our lives would be if he had only made the choice to sacrifice his urges to fornicate and deceive; to sacrifice his lust for the "forbidden fruit" of an other's tree.  After all, The LORD was present in Joe's decision making process (Joel3:12) and He provided an avenue of escape to the tempting thoughts that came to Joe (I Cor. 10:13).  But, Joe chose to destroy rather than sacrifice.

No man is an island. Every choice we make, ultimately, affects the lives of someone else.  Joe's non-sacrificial choices have affected many.

The depravity (lust of the flesh, of the eyes, and the pride of life) of the human soul to choose destruction over life is a challenge to my sensibilities.

But, from the time of Adam and Eve that depravity has been in play. That is the way of this world.  I thank God that I am no longer of this world though.  I walk according to The Spirit and not my flesh. 

I choose life. 

I choose sacrifice - sacrificing the flesh in order to continue to walk via The Spirit of The Living God.

Deep calls unto deep.  I'm diving into the deeper waters of The Spirit-led life. And, hopefully, over time my choices' affects will produce grander fruit than Joe's choices of destruction.  I have to believe they will.

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Friday, June 27, 2014

Dethroned

We enthrone common sense and tack the Name of God on to it. We do lean to our own understanding, instead of trusting God with all our hearts. ~Oswald Chambers
I read these words in my devotional time this morning.  "We ENTHRONE common sense and TACK the Name of God on to it."  Whoa!  God forgive us.

Ever since that day in November when the phone call came revealing Joe's secret life, I've tried to live according to Prov. 3:5-6:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
That can be a lot easier said than done.  But, I strive to live my life according to The Spirit and Word of God, not according to this world or my flesh, since both will lead me astray.  

I know God will not.

Today is one of those days when I must rely on The Spirit of God. I must trust Him implicitly.  

I bow before You, LORD. Please forgive me for the times when I've enthroned common sense, when I've put the world's view above Yours, or when I've leaned on my own understanding. I acknowledge You this day to work and move on my behalf. I trust You. I love You, LORD.

Because of Him and Unto Him,





Saturday, June 21, 2014

Firday @ 7PM, June 21, 1974

Today is my 40th Wedding Anniversary.  

I reflect alone.

i look forward alone.

...sigh...

But, I know I am not alone.  Thank You, LORD, for Your permanency in my life!

Because of Him and Unto Him, 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

When Love No Longer Has To

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins".  ~I Peter 4:8

After the "I love you's" and the marriage vows are exchanged, marriage can no longer be based on the feeling of love, it must be a choice.  Consistently and unceasingly.

You choose to love.

And Love bears all things. 

And Love covers the multitude of sins. 

The God-kind of Love, that allows one to continuously work on improving themselves while their Love covers their partners shortcomings, is not a feeling.  It is a choice. 

My Love for my husband was unto The LORD.  My love - through better and worse - was unto my God, not man.

And Agape Love is fostered through the "covering of sin".  The more you choose to cover and not get into strife about things, the God-kind of Love truly does cover those things, as if you don't see it.

Isn't that what Jesus' shed Blood is all about?  

Covering my sins.  

Your sins. 

All mankind's sins. 

It covers them and God, our Father, sees them no more.

My counselor has asked me how did I miss seeing certain traits in my husband over 40 years.  I certainly did not miss them.  I wasn't blind or naive to Joe's BC (before Christ) traits.  
  
I chose to allow God's Agape Love to "cover" those sins.  I choose to press into Jesus all the more for His Grace to allow me to allow His Love to cover those things.  And He did.

And he wasn't always as narcissistic (the counselor's conclusion) as he is today.  While serving and walking with The LORD, his selfish tendencies were held at bay, as it is with us all who work at living The Word. 

But, since backsliding, well, those "tendencies" are now a full-blown way of life. Worse than ever before. 

Why? 
If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit” and “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”  ~ II Peter 2:20-22
That's it in a nutshell. 

And now my Love no longer has to cover my husband's sins. Now I'm free to discuss them when necessary to facilitate the healing process.

As for the covering of his "multitude"?  Well, that's a challenge for his other "wife" to now do.  

What my Love does need to do is to is to keep my heart pure and bitter-free.

It needs to keep me in forgiving - 70 x7 - mode.

It needs to allow me to now center that Agape Love on myself.  The same Grace I've extended for years to my husband, I know need to lavish on myself in order to celebrate myself and all God created me to be.  

And in case you hadn't noticed, I do believe the healing process has begun.  Oh, Thank You, Jesus!

I'm so grateful for those of you who are journeying with me.  I hope I'm not boring you. I am very grateful that you read and comment and pray and encourage me.  Truly you are a vital part of my support team.  Oh, Thank You, Jesus!

Because of Him and Unto Him,



Monday, June 9, 2014

Righteous Brothers' Inspiration

You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without You, Jesus, what good am I?

Oh, what good am I?

Jesus, I can't make it without You
I'm telling You, Jesus, You're my reason for laughing, 
for crying, for living, for dying

You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You're my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without You, Jesus, what good am I?

Please visit Laura Bird Miller's website: laurabirdart.com
This is what artist, Laura Bird Miller, wrote about her painting, No Greater Love:

Let The King be enthralled by your beauty.  
Honor Him, for He is your Lord. 
~ Psalm 34:11
The Psalmist says, “Let The King be enthralled with your beauty."  
Let Him.  Allow Him to adore you.  Let The King be enthralled with your beauty.  
He is saying you are beautiful!  No more hiding; it’s time to be vulnerable and let Him see you in your nakedness, your sin.  That is why He died for you.  Not so you could come to Him when you were lookin’ mighty fine and doing the next right thing.  He loves you enough to say you are beautiful even in your sin.  Now, that is amazing Love. 
Greater Love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are loved, you are beautiful and you are valuable.  
Let The King be enthralled with your beauty.  Honor Him, for He is your Lord.
Thank you, Laura Bird Miller, for your words that pierce my soul with Truth during a season in my life that I desperately need to be reminded of Truth, and for painting the imagery that is always in my heart.  And thank you, Righteous Brothers, for giving me a song I can sing to my Jesus. 

Because of Him and Unto Him, 



Thursday, June 5, 2014

It's Not Cold, It's Not Broken

To the backslidden,
"Love is a cold and a broken Hallelujah..."
(Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen)

To the righteous,
Love is a vibrant warmth and an orchestrated Hallelujah!



Thank You, LORD, for Your warm Love that I can snuggle into.  May "Hallelujah!" ever flow from my lips to Your Heart.

Because of Him and Unto Him,


Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Double for My Trouble

I have a friend who always says, "Double for your trouble!"  God bless her soul.


In the past few days I've cooked eggs for breakfast and made chicken cutlets for dinner.  

Three days in a row, there were twin yokes in one shell. I cracked these two eggs to make the chicken cutlets and found two sets of twins. One yoke broke as it slithered out of the shell into the bowl. 

After making eggs again this morning with another set of twins, I laughed and texted to my children, "It must be a sign". 

Is it?...Is it Your sign, LORD?

Immediately after asking Him that question, this Scripture came to mind:

"Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore, in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs. For I, the LORD, love justice"...~ Isaiah 6:7-8a

Instead of the shame yoked around my neck, double honor - just because The LORD loves justice.  

Justice? Oh, thank You, LORD!!!

Honor...

...Double Honor.  Honor and more honor?!?

And no more shame?

LORD, I know not how this will be, but I believe Your Word.  I believe, Holy Spirit, that You spoke that to my heart to encourage me.  All the confusion of heart and mind will be replaced by You, because You are my Portion. And since You are my Portion, how can shame stay attached to my soul?  It cannot. 

Truly, I look forward to the day when I don't feel ashamed anymore because it causes my head to hang, for my shoulders to slump, and for confidence to be...um...foreign. 

...

Double yokes....hmmm...

I see another sign in these twin double yokes in which one broke.  The LORD tells me,
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has Light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a Believer with an unbeliever?  And what agreement has the Temple of God with idols? For you are the Temple of the Living God. As God has said “I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they shall be My people.”  ~ II Corth. 6:13-16
The yoke to my husband must be broken for Light and dark cannot commune together anymore.

Lately, in my insecurity, I've been asking The LORD, "Am I doing the right thing?" 

Yes, I believe these twin eggs are a sign.  The twin eggs tell me that my shame will be replaced with honor, and the broken twin tells me that I am doing the right thing. 

I bow before You, my LORD...humbled...grateful...Thank You!  Just as You gave Noah, and subsequently mankind, Your sign with a rainbow, so You have given unto me Your sign, with three sets of double-yoked eggs three days in a row.  Thank You, Holy Spirit.  I appreciate You so and Your Justice!

Has God ever given you an unusual sign of His Promise to you or a direction in which you should go?  Please share with us that He may be glorified.  

Because of Him and Unto Him,

Monday, June 2, 2014

Oh, To Be That Girl!

I just paused the Katie Couric show.   

I used to love this expression on her face
Marlo Thomas is on Katie's show today promoting her new book, It Aint' Over...Till It's Over: Reinventing Your Life - and Realizing Your Dreams - Anytime, at Any Age.   

I remember Marlo from That Girl.  Oh, how I use to admire That Girl...

Well, that sure was a long time ago...

I found myself sobbing (which I seem to do a lot these days - something unexpected just triggers the tears) while watching Marlo and Katie. 

Katie is still on pause, and here I am. 

With you.

Tears running down my face...as I try to type out something profound - for you - for myself. 

"Reinventing your life..."  I know that is something I must undertake - a reinvention of my life going forward, but...

I don't want to....I always just wanted to be a wife, mother, and servant of The LORD. 

But...I need to...cause the "wife" part is all gone now.

So, what do I want to be when I'm 61 and...S.ingle.  (I can barely get that word out.)

...

What do I want my life to count for?

Jesus, what do YOU want me to be "when I grow up"?

That's all I want...to complete that which my Lord and Saviour has given me to do in this earth.

Would I like to travel in an RV and see some of America?  Yes.

Would I like to go on a mission trip to Alaska?  Yes.

Would I like to skydive?  You bet.

Would I like to travel and meet precious blogging friends, whom I've never actually seen face-to-face?  Oh, absolutely.  What a hug party that would be!

Do I want to become the best disciple of Jesus Christ that I can be?  YES!

Do I want to be That Girl-fearless in obeying anything that God might ask of me?  Can you hear me, LORD?  YES!

but...A N Y T H I N G?   

But...

What if He asks me to lay down all my heart desires?

What if He asks me to never travel?

What if Alaska already has all the missionaries it can handle?

What if jumping out of an airplane is not in His plan?

What if I never get to meet my blogging family?

I bow before You, my LORD...here I am...take me, use me...make this life count for something Eternal...and if that means no parachute jumping, no plane or RV rides around this nation, no meeting my beloved blogger family (in this lifetime)... then so be it.  I am Yours.  To do with what You please.  

LORD, please, as you reinvent my future, just make it count for Eternity.  Please...that's all I ask...make it count for Eternity...and make it fun, so I can heartfelt-ly smile again.

Because of Him and Unto Him,