Lately, I've been meditating on what Love is. I know what it is NOT:
It is not selfish; it is not self-serving; it is not about me, myself, and I; it is not putting your selfish desires ahead of others; it is not an unbalanced seesaw.
Extravagant Love lives and reigns in my being. Caring about the shock and hurt my husband's lifestyle has caused others cuts just as deep as the wounds of his betrayal, infidelities, and deceptions. I care deeply about all the people who have been affected by what I've found to be true about my husband.
The businesses we frequent.
My husband's choices even affects the economy of all the businesses we had patronized as a couple.
Our favorite vineyards. Wine clubs have to be canceled.
Our local cleaners has lost a lot of business because I no longer need his services for my husband's clothes.
The restaurants that we frequented on the weekends. Not only the business of the restaurant, but also the waiters/waitresses that would serve us are losing out.
The landscaping company that so beautifully tends to our property. I can no longer afford much more than a cut and weed.
The Organically Green company that comes each season to spray the property against ticks. I had to cancel them.
My local food stores and CVS's - not spending as much money as I did when I had two to purchase for.
And I have to face these people. I have to make the calls. I have to explain...
And my husband just gets to walk away - from me, his children, our life, and our community. No explanations of any kind to any of us. No facing the music. No accepting responsibility for the losses his sinful choices have caused. No looking into the eyes of those who cared deeply for him to see their pain, confusion, and disgust.
I look into their eyes. Their reactions cause my heart to shudder because I know my news is causing them pain. I lie in bed seeing their shocked faces as I try to drift off to sleep.
Nope. That is most definitely not Love.
And I'm at the place that I want that kind of "love" far away from me.
Extravagant Love have Your way in me. Fill me to overflowing with compassion and empathy. Fill me to overflowing with Your Love that will keep no records of wrong, a Love that will allow me to bless and not curse, and will allow me the grace to forgive and forgive and forgive. May I continue to be a beacon of Your Extravagant Love, as You shine through me like a lighthouse. May Your Extravagant Love overcome all the "nots of love" that have invaded my family's lives and touched my community.
Let it be so.
Because of Him and Unto Him,