Wednesday, May 14, 2014

One for Forty

You can never fully understand the depths that infidelity and divorce tears a soul apart until you have experienced it. 

In googling for some kind of divorce support group near where I live, I came across DivorceCare.org.  I ordered a devotional and CD series.  It has been a Godsend in understanding all that I am experiencing. 

I’ve come to learn that all the emotional highs and lows, lack of energy, lack of focus, inability to make very simple decisions, the feeling of not knowing who I am any longer is a “normalpart of the grieving process.  And grieving I am.

Two things from the devotional and CD's so far have really ministered to me:
  1. “Separation is not a separation of two people.  It’s a violent tearing of two souls who had been one.”
Yes!  Yes!  That's what it is!  I've been violently torn in half.

On Mother's Day, Alece and I went to Michael’s restaurant for dinner (Michael is a sous chef).  I had to use the bathroom but went into a mild melt down as I kept thinking and blubbered through my tears, “I don't know how to do this without Daddy.”  My daughter was confused, “Don't know how to do what - go to the bathroom?!” 

I knew it sounded crazy, so I’ve been beseeching God for an answer to what is wrong with me that I felt I couldn’t do things without my husband, even going to the bathroom out in public.  

Now, I understand. Thank You, LORD, for that! 

Because we truly were one for 40 years and have now been violently torn in half, I'm no longer a whole. I'm a half.  I will learn to adjust accordingly, but for now, it's like my right side was blown off and I'm trying to walk and do with only half a body. I haven't figured out how to do it all yet.
But, from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”                                                       ~ Jesus Christ, as recorded in Mark 10:6-10 
   2.  "Your grief is a way of honoring what your marriage meant."   

“…honoring what your marriage meant”…

In a few weeks, I will be celebrating 40 years of marriage.  No, I certainly won’t be celebrating, but I will, hopefully, be able to honor what my marriage meant to me.

What does it mean to me?

….hmmm…

I’ve always truly believed that my husband and I were one and that our marriage was a covenant (never to be broken) between God Almighty and us.

I always believed that my marriage was for better or for worse, till death do us part. And a workaholic's lifestyle is part of the "for worse".  

When my husband asked me to marry him, he said, “Think about it before you answer, because we will never get divorced."  I always believed divorce was not an option - not because my husband said so, but because of the covenant we made with God - therefore, forgiving and choosing not to remember the wrongs became my way of life.

My husband is a workaholic, so we didn't spend as much time together as most couples do over a 40 year span; but in our time together, we did everything together - as one.  Right up to the end.

Our “oneness” conceived three exceptional children who have grown into self-sufficient adults we are proud of.

I was faithful to the end because I honor the sanctity of marriage. 

On June 21st I will choose to remember the good, and be grateful for those times.  I will choose to honor the God-ordained sanctity of marriage and the blessing for having been married and faithful for 40 years.  

The good, the bad, and the ugly -  It was ours together 
Thank you, DivorceCare.org for validating all that I am experiencing.  Thank You, My LORD, my God, for allowing me 40 years of marriage with the husband of my youth. Truly, I  have been blessed.  

Because of Him and Unto Him,  




6 comments:

Floyd said...

Praying for you, sister.

Betty Draper said...

My sweet dear wise hearted Diane. I too thank God with you concerning the site on how to cope for divorced people. thanks God you continue to seek for help and did not give up. Praying for you my friend. Love Betty

Caroline said...

Diane,
You sure are being empowered.May the Son shine on you as you go through the nasty storm of divorce.How beautiful it is for you to follow a path of embracing the good ,bad and the ugly.In my own storm ..Jesus is helping me to let go n Let God. Thank you for this teaching
and divorce resource.Sending prayers n love.Rich in Him, Caroline

Diane Ronzino said...

Thank you so much, Floyd.

Diane Ronzino said...

Thank you, Betty! I'm so blessed by your son's testimony - all the prayers you have prayed for him are answered. God bless you, Betty. I send you my hugs.

Diane Ronzino said...

Oh, Caroline...you write such beautiful words. Thank you...we all learn from each other - especially in this blog world. Thanks for coming by to read!