Saturday, April 26, 2014

The Sisterhood of the Band-less Fingers

Pledge week. Hazing.

I never went to collage, so I’ve not experienced “pledging” for a sorority.  I only know what I’ve heard on the news. It’s kind of scary stuff.  Had I gone to college, I know I would never have wanted to be a part of a sorority – just because of the “induction” process of hazing. 

Um…no thank you.  I’m a coward.

It seems everywhere I turn these days I’m hearing women’s stories. Divorce stories.  Some of them are real horror stories.  The kind of stories that makes you want to run away and hide. I listen with my mouth open…

Oh, dear God, is this what I’m in for?

I truly can see why our God hates divorce.  He really does. I really do.

Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce for it covers one’s garment with violence," 
says the Lord of Hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously.”     ~ Malachi 2:15-16

My husband didn’t take heed.

Surely, divorce “covers one’s garment with violence”.  I’ve experienced first-hand the eruption of violent threats.  Not just to me, but to my adult children as well.  It’s shocking what becomes of a man whose god is money.

Divorce covers one’s garments with violence: Fear stares me down challenging me, daring me to drop this or else.  Divorce is my Goliath.

I do feel as if my clothes are covered with violence.  Every now and then I imagine what I would (could) do to my husband venting the anger in my heart; what I would (could) do to him if one of his violent threats against any of my children were to become a reality.

Yes, I most certainly could. 

But, I don’t. I won’t. And for no other reason other than the grace of the Holy Spirit in my life. 

My husband no longer relies on such grace, which makes me so very sad for him. Truly, I am. Anger and compassion seem to go hand-in-hand with me these days.  Thus, the seesaw of emotions. 

So, in brief encounters I’m instantaneously bonded with women I do not know and will probably never meet again.  For I’ve been inducted into this same sorority – the sisterhood of the band-less fingers.

Right now, I’m still “pledging” - still in the middle of the hazing.  Although I’m only at the beginning of the gauntlet, I'm already screaming for relief from the violence to my soul! Hands covering my head I press on through.  I have no choice but to keep going.

I can make it through…I can make it through.

There, but for the Grace of God go I. Oh, how I rely on His Grace!  It is my safety zone.  It is my peace-filled zone.  It is my courage zone. It is my victory zone.  It is my keep-me-from-violence zone.  It is my where-I-want-to-live zone.  

Thank You, my LORD, for Your Grace. Thank You!

Because of Him and Unto Him,


Andrew Ronzino said...

I'm glad writing this down is helping you out, mom.

Diane Ronzino said...

Thanks. It is. You don't mind, do you? If you do, I won't . Please be honest.

Betty Draper said...

My dear sister how courageous of you to pen down your feelings. It's always a risk when we put them out there for all to read. Praying for you and your children.

Andrew Ronzino said...

I don't mind at all.

jojo said...

You have touched my heart in many ways, Diane, but this blog took a piece of it. I know your pain and I will keep you in my prayers.

Martha Herden said...

I have "continued hope" for your loving heart as this WALK has landed in your life! There aren't enough words, hugs, smiles, tears~~to ease this time of loss~~your words are so MOVING!!

Hold tight to your Words~~they are being sent to you from ABOVE!
love you, martha

Anonymous said...

Diane, I don't know if you've been reading my blog lately, but I've been sharing links to some of the most beautiful, meaningful, worshipful music from a messianic Jew, Marty Goetz. His music is so healing to my soul, so rich because it is based totally on the Word and also filled with such warmth...and I am thinking it might be something like a balm from gilead for you to listen to and worship with as I am lately. I can give you some info where to order reasonably if you are interested. Also you could listen to many of his things on you tube. Here is one that comes from a beautiful DVD he calls Psalm Enchanted Evening. Hope you will listen for I believe it will bless you, so anointed in the Holy Spirit, it is powerful:

Caroline said...

Hi Diane, Sorry I had not cked in for a long time .My heart aches for you. I certainly do not know where you are
but your "2nd Husband Jesus"(this is what a beautiful anoited women I loss contact with a while ago taught me) certainly does.
No kidding, only a wk to 2 ago ..that word divorce after 22 years of marriage surfaced very strongly as a free choice I could realistically see my self making and I cried n cried n cried and then prayed ,prayed and prayed to my Rock Jesus surrending as best as I could making this a true focus in my days even through work hours.Some things errupted in me and I trust that God has the right plan for me one day.I am now trying to enjoy moments at a time .I cry to the Holy Spirit and I journal to God as to where I shall go and he has been talking and I try to listen. "Peace I leave with you ;my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives.Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" JOHN 14:27
Sending love n prayers ~ Caroline ++-+-++-----+-++-------------------------------------------++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------------++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-++++++++++++-++++-++-+-++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-+++++++++++++++++++++--+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++---------------------++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------+---------+------++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-

Diane Ronzino said...

My Betty, thank you so much for your prayers for us. I am truly depending on all the prayers to carry me through this very dark time. The Holy Spirit has been most faithful to me; His Word my comfort and strength. I love you.

Diane Ronzino said...

Ok, Andrew. Thank you. I love you, my son.

Diane Ronzino said...

JoJo, thank you so much for connecting and sharing. I do appreciate your prayers. Thank you for understanding my pain. God bless you.

Diane Ronzino said...

Martha, Martha, what a gift of exhortation you have. Thank you, always, for your words of encouragement. I love you.

Diane Ronzino said...

Pam, thank you for the song. I will listen to it. God has given much comfort through various songs. I will definitely check it out.

I'm sorry that I haven't been reading your blog. I cannot follow any at this point. It's too exhausting. I'm not sure you can understand that. I am writing as an avenue for my own healing. One of these days, when my strengh has returned, I will once again visit my favorite blogs. I hope you understand.

Diane Ronzino said...

Oh, Caroline....

I'm so proud of you for pressing into Jesus and His Word. That is all I can do as well.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Call me or email.

Love and hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand, Diane and don't expect you to. I have not been posting very lengthy things lately... the last holy week and so... but I've linked many of his songs to my short devotions, so if you feel like it, you may just go to check the links and listen to the music. I can't get enough listening to this music. One of his on a DVD I ordered, He is my defense, is one that is pouring peace on me. Blessings.

Diane Ronzino said...

Thanks, Pam!